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Friday, December 22, 2006

Off to College

I've always been a fan of Page 2 on ESPN.com for its humorous take on sports commentary. So when front page news was Michelle Wie getting into Stanford it was only appropriate for Jemele Hill to provide some much needed advice for Wie as she prepared for life on the Farm. You can read the full article here, but here are my favorite excerpts:

Now, obviously you won't be the typical freshman because you're already a millionaire, you've got an entourage that's as big as most of your lab classes, and you'll be one of the few girls on campus who haven't shown off some silicone in the latest installment of "Girls Gone Wild."

To set the reco
rd straight, I have yet to meet a female at Stanford with fake breasts and Girls Gone Wild will never come to Stanford. Lies!

Join a student organization that matches none of your interests whatsoever. In college, you're supposed to get to know different kinds of people and learn useless skills. Student organizations help you with both. I did some preliminary checking on Stanford's Web site and I found an organization that would be perfect for you -- the Mariachi Cardenal de Stanford. It's an organization for student mariachis, and the best part is you have to take Music 157: Introduction to Mariachi Ensemble. That's the kind of class that, when your parents see it on your transcript, they will bludgeon you with a heavy object.

And I'm sure Michelle could use it to hone her violin skills, s
eeing as how every Asian baby learns to play a musical instrument. I dunno, but I see Michelle fitting right into the Ping Pong club.

I bet she'd also be a great RA. Everyone would come to her hall meetings.
She's actually quite attractive, although her game face on the putting green leaves something to be desired.












And with pigtails and a sleepy yawn, she could fit right in with every other tired Freshman for 9AM chemistry.
I know you've got a ton of money, but no college experience is complete unless you sell some element of your body for a completely frivolous pursuit. The going rate for plasma on most college campuses is $20 to $30 per session. I once funded a spring break trip to Florida and sponsored a child in Uruguay with plasma money, but that's a story for another day. But can you imagine how much someone would pay for Michelle Wie's plasma? You could charge 60 or 70 bucks, easy.

I disagree. I donated blood Freshman year and all I
got was an Xmas card in the mail at the end of the year. If Michelle really wants to rake in some money, she should consider being an egg donor. Every classified section of the Stanford Daily has listings for rich Palo Alto couples looking for an egg donor. For example: "$8000-$15000 for qualified, committed applicants. All Ethnic backgrounds welcome. Special need for Jewish, Asian, East Indian donors." And if you're tall, better! I bet Michelle could pay for her entire Stanford education with one egg. But then again, she has $20 million in the bank...

Anyway, I hope Michelle really tries to blend into Stanford. Hill is right - she should take classes, fail classes, stay up late eating Ramen, and enjoy all that Stanford has to offer.

This article further reminded me to take stock of the Unofficial 101 Things to Do At Stanford before you graduate. While the list, coming from the Alumni sponsored Stanford Magazine, is a bit more tame than the funnier Stanford Daily's version (
Raise your hand in the middle of a lecture and ask a Nobel Laureate professor: “Why are you so arrogant? It’s not like you invented the wheel.”), I still think I should find out how much I've accomplished after 10 quarters on the Farm.

1. Throw paper wads from the balcony at Flicks. Definitely.
2. Hike to the Dish. Yes
3. Carve your initials into a table at the Oasis.
4. Learn the Axe cheer. I learned it Freshman year but I think it's the dumbest cheer and will refuse to re-learn it.
5. Fountain-hop. Freshman and Senior year!
6. Play Frisbee golf. Sadly no. I need to work on that.
7. Get to know a Nobel laureate. Nope, but Andrew Fire will be coming to speak in my dorm next quarter.
8. Go to an a capella concert. I saw all of Anna's Counterpoint concerts Freshman year.
9. Go on a Tahoe ski trip. Oh the horror of sleeping in a cabin with 50 other people.
10. Volunteer through the Haas Center. Of course.
11. Pull an all-nighter. Too many to count.
12. Learn a new language. A quarter of Chinese!
13. Go on your frosh dorm's San Francisco scavenger hunt. Completely debaucherous.
14. Attend a fraternity party. Sweaty and smelly.
15. Host a ProFro. Even better, I was a HoHo! And Max ended up coming to Stanford!
16. Hash. Worked at the Dining Hall for a quarter Freshman year.
17. Join in the midnight Dead Week Primal Scream. Yes.
18. Get kissed at Full Moon on the Quad. Too drunk to remember, but people say I did =p
19. Dance at the Mausoleum party. I can finally say yes to this, since they brought it back Senior year. Although it was pretty lame.
20. Do the Wacky Walk at Commencement. In June I will!
21. Storm the field after Big Game. Haha yeah right. We suck.
22. Visit the Cantor Center for Visual Arts. For class and for fun.
23. Take a freshman or sophomore seminar. History 48Q - South Africa: Contested Transitions. I got an A+ too :)
24. Study outdoors. The Oval is too distracting.
25. Attend a basketball game at Maples Pavilion. 6th man club this year!
26. Throw someone into the pool at MuFuUnSun. I dunked someone Freshman year.
27. View an item in Special Collections. As a history major...too many to count.
28.Hear the San Francisco Symphony Orchestra. Wow I haven't done this yet...
29. Vow to stop procrastinating. Every quarter.
30. Go to Senior Pub Night. A wee bit overrated, but still fun.
31. Rollerblade to class. I borrowed Harry's Freshman year and did this. I don't recommend it since the ground is really bumpy (although better rollerblades might have helped).
32. Attend a concert in MemChu. Saw Stanford's Symphony perform here.
33. Have brunch at Hobee's. When are you going to take me, Jenny?
34. Study abroad. Three weeks in Tokyo
35. Run Campus Drive. Yup!
36. Dance at Viennese Ball. Going this year!
37. Mentor a younger student. I'm an RA. Of course.
38. Go to Gaieties. Yup.
39. Go to the beach. Yup.
40. Learn to say CoPo, FroYo, CoHo, FloMo, ProFro and MemChu without embarrassment. Yeah, except CoPo must be a typo...
41. Fall asleep in Green Library. All too often.
42. See a play in the Nitery. Nope...
43. Play pick-up volleyball in the Oval. With sketchy grad students? I think not!
44. Bike Alpine Road. Yes, but only when I was trying to get to Arastredero.
45. Go to the top of Hoover Tower. Yes.
46. Eat dessert at Max's Opera Café. For my birthday!
47. Buy a Stanford sweatshirt. Every Stanford students has one.
48. Get into a bike accident. It was her fault!
49. Visit San Jose -- once. Okay, I've done it twice.
50. Catch yourself paying heed to the Honor Code. I think so.
51. Contemplate a Rodin sculpture. Only because it was a part of a clue during the Game.
52. Read a book for fun. Probably.
53. Plan a dorm program. Too many.
54. Complain about Wilbur food. Too often.
55. Buy clothes at the Gap. Socks and boxers.
56. Yell "Branner sucks!" All the time during Orientation Week.
57. Get to know your resident fellow. Yes.
58. Live on the Row. Well, not really, but I'm going to count it as yes, because when I went to debate camp in high school, I lived in SAE.
59. Ride a cable car. From the Wharf to Union Square!
60. Determine permanently and irrevocably the precise meaning of life. Hell no.
61. Go to Rinc-a-Delt. I don't know what they're talking about, sadly.
62. Study in a café off campus. I suppose Starbucks counts, but I've gone to Coupa Cafe a few times.
63. Volunteer to be a subject in a research study. All the time.
64. Invite a professor to dinner. Yes.
65. Attend a Women's Herstory Week event. I should really be a better person.
66. Vote. Yes.
67. Design a web page. Check it out!
68. Get a parking ticket. In downtown Palo Alto, yes.
69. Be an Orientation Volunteer. Sophomore year.
70. Write a letter to the Daily. I've done it twice. Once to protest a new housing policy and another to take out the hypen in Asian American.
71. Picnic in the Foothills. Sounds romantic.
72. Play the Game. Played and got my ass kicked. Planned one too.
73. Attend a reception at Hoover House. Nobody invites Undergrads :-(
74. Get to know an alum. Yes? My future boss graduated from Stanford Business School.
75. Attend a day game at the Sunken Diamond. I'm ashamed that I haven't.
76. Pose a question to a campus speaker. Maybe?
77. Go to the Dutch Goose on a Wednesday night. This is on the to-do list.
78. Ride the Marguerite. All too often.
79. Play sports with an Olympic athlete. Sadly this does not happen everyday.
80. Take an incomplete. I'm going to say yes, since I've done much worse with a Withdrawal.
81. See a Band halftime show. Ridiculous.
82. Go to Senior Dinner on the Quad. I will soon enough.
83. Eat peanuts at Antonio's Nut House (and throw the shells on the floor). Sounds stupid, but I'll give it a try.
84. Go to a career fair. Free Nalgene's and pens!
85. Play intramural inner-tube water polo. It was cancelled as an IM! Not fair!
86. Take a Spring Break trip with friends. Yup.
87. Lose a drinking game. All too often.
88. Raft on Lake Lag. Nope.
89. Go to Big Game at Cal. I skipped out this year, because, yes, we suck.
90. Play dorm vs. dorm paintball in the Santa Cruz Mountains. I should plan this for our dorm.
91. Donate blood. Freshman year!
92. Go steamtunneling. I did it last summer. If you don't know what steamtunneling is, check this Wiki article out.
93. Hike in Big Basin. Did some photography there.
94. Go on a date. Holla!
95. Take a class just because you hear the professor is great. I guess.
96. Attend a double feature at the Stanford Theater. Nope, just one movie.
97. Dance with the Band. On the band run!
98. Stay up all night talking in your dorm hallway. Oh the memories.
99. See the Stanford Improvisers. Yeah.
100. Attend a protest,demonstration, rally or sit-in. Supporting Stanford Workers!
101.Wear your cap and gown to The Graduate. I can't wait!

So I've done 75/101. 5 more and I "Bleed Cardinal red." I should have no problem knocking off about 10 more of these things before I graduate. All of those thoughts make me cherish the memories I have had at Stanford, and the memories I will have in 2007!

Peace!

1 comment:

Jenny said...

Yeah I read the article on advice for Michelle Wie too. *roll eyes* The writer sounded like the "I'm a cool mom" mother from Mean Girls.

Get that 100 done before the school year ends!

Friday, December 22, 2006

Off to College

I've always been a fan of Page 2 on ESPN.com for its humorous take on sports commentary. So when front page news was Michelle Wie getting into Stanford it was only appropriate for Jemele Hill to provide some much needed advice for Wie as she prepared for life on the Farm. You can read the full article here, but here are my favorite excerpts:

Now, obviously you won't be the typical freshman because you're already a millionaire, you've got an entourage that's as big as most of your lab classes, and you'll be one of the few girls on campus who haven't shown off some silicone in the latest installment of "Girls Gone Wild."

To set the reco
rd straight, I have yet to meet a female at Stanford with fake breasts and Girls Gone Wild will never come to Stanford. Lies!

Join a student organization that matches none of your interests whatsoever. In college, you're supposed to get to know different kinds of people and learn useless skills. Student organizations help you with both. I did some preliminary checking on Stanford's Web site and I found an organization that would be perfect for you -- the Mariachi Cardenal de Stanford. It's an organization for student mariachis, and the best part is you have to take Music 157: Introduction to Mariachi Ensemble. That's the kind of class that, when your parents see it on your transcript, they will bludgeon you with a heavy object.

And I'm sure Michelle could use it to hone her violin skills, s
eeing as how every Asian baby learns to play a musical instrument. I dunno, but I see Michelle fitting right into the Ping Pong club.

I bet she'd also be a great RA. Everyone would come to her hall meetings.
She's actually quite attractive, although her game face on the putting green leaves something to be desired.












And with pigtails and a sleepy yawn, she could fit right in with every other tired Freshman for 9AM chemistry.
I know you've got a ton of money, but no college experience is complete unless you sell some element of your body for a completely frivolous pursuit. The going rate for plasma on most college campuses is $20 to $30 per session. I once funded a spring break trip to Florida and sponsored a child in Uruguay with plasma money, but that's a story for another day. But can you imagine how much someone would pay for Michelle Wie's plasma? You could charge 60 or 70 bucks, easy.

I disagree. I donated blood Freshman year and all I
got was an Xmas card in the mail at the end of the year. If Michelle really wants to rake in some money, she should consider being an egg donor. Every classified section of the Stanford Daily has listings for rich Palo Alto couples looking for an egg donor. For example: "$8000-$15000 for qualified, committed applicants. All Ethnic backgrounds welcome. Special need for Jewish, Asian, East Indian donors." And if you're tall, better! I bet Michelle could pay for her entire Stanford education with one egg. But then again, she has $20 million in the bank...

Anyway, I hope Michelle really tries to blend into Stanford. Hill is right - she should take classes, fail classes, stay up late eating Ramen, and enjoy all that Stanford has to offer.

This article further reminded me to take stock of the Unofficial 101 Things to Do At Stanford before you graduate. While the list, coming from the Alumni sponsored Stanford Magazine, is a bit more tame than the funnier Stanford Daily's version (
Raise your hand in the middle of a lecture and ask a Nobel Laureate professor: “Why are you so arrogant? It’s not like you invented the wheel.”), I still think I should find out how much I've accomplished after 10 quarters on the Farm.

1. Throw paper wads from the balcony at Flicks. Definitely.
2. Hike to the Dish. Yes
3. Carve your initials into a table at the Oasis.
4. Learn the Axe cheer. I learned it Freshman year but I think it's the dumbest cheer and will refuse to re-learn it.
5. Fountain-hop. Freshman and Senior year!
6. Play Frisbee golf. Sadly no. I need to work on that.
7. Get to know a Nobel laureate. Nope, but Andrew Fire will be coming to speak in my dorm next quarter.
8. Go to an a capella concert. I saw all of Anna's Counterpoint concerts Freshman year.
9. Go on a Tahoe ski trip. Oh the horror of sleeping in a cabin with 50 other people.
10. Volunteer through the Haas Center. Of course.
11. Pull an all-nighter. Too many to count.
12. Learn a new language. A quarter of Chinese!
13. Go on your frosh dorm's San Francisco scavenger hunt. Completely debaucherous.
14. Attend a fraternity party. Sweaty and smelly.
15. Host a ProFro. Even better, I was a HoHo! And Max ended up coming to Stanford!
16. Hash. Worked at the Dining Hall for a quarter Freshman year.
17. Join in the midnight Dead Week Primal Scream. Yes.
18. Get kissed at Full Moon on the Quad. Too drunk to remember, but people say I did =p
19. Dance at the Mausoleum party. I can finally say yes to this, since they brought it back Senior year. Although it was pretty lame.
20. Do the Wacky Walk at Commencement. In June I will!
21. Storm the field after Big Game. Haha yeah right. We suck.
22. Visit the Cantor Center for Visual Arts. For class and for fun.
23. Take a freshman or sophomore seminar. History 48Q - South Africa: Contested Transitions. I got an A+ too :)
24. Study outdoors. The Oval is too distracting.
25. Attend a basketball game at Maples Pavilion. 6th man club this year!
26. Throw someone into the pool at MuFuUnSun. I dunked someone Freshman year.
27. View an item in Special Collections. As a history major...too many to count.
28.Hear the San Francisco Symphony Orchestra. Wow I haven't done this yet...
29. Vow to stop procrastinating. Every quarter.
30. Go to Senior Pub Night. A wee bit overrated, but still fun.
31. Rollerblade to class. I borrowed Harry's Freshman year and did this. I don't recommend it since the ground is really bumpy (although better rollerblades might have helped).
32. Attend a concert in MemChu. Saw Stanford's Symphony perform here.
33. Have brunch at Hobee's. When are you going to take me, Jenny?
34. Study abroad. Three weeks in Tokyo
35. Run Campus Drive. Yup!
36. Dance at Viennese Ball. Going this year!
37. Mentor a younger student. I'm an RA. Of course.
38. Go to Gaieties. Yup.
39. Go to the beach. Yup.
40. Learn to say CoPo, FroYo, CoHo, FloMo, ProFro and MemChu without embarrassment. Yeah, except CoPo must be a typo...
41. Fall asleep in Green Library. All too often.
42. See a play in the Nitery. Nope...
43. Play pick-up volleyball in the Oval. With sketchy grad students? I think not!
44. Bike Alpine Road. Yes, but only when I was trying to get to Arastredero.
45. Go to the top of Hoover Tower. Yes.
46. Eat dessert at Max's Opera Café. For my birthday!
47. Buy a Stanford sweatshirt. Every Stanford students has one.
48. Get into a bike accident. It was her fault!
49. Visit San Jose -- once. Okay, I've done it twice.
50. Catch yourself paying heed to the Honor Code. I think so.
51. Contemplate a Rodin sculpture. Only because it was a part of a clue during the Game.
52. Read a book for fun. Probably.
53. Plan a dorm program. Too many.
54. Complain about Wilbur food. Too often.
55. Buy clothes at the Gap. Socks and boxers.
56. Yell "Branner sucks!" All the time during Orientation Week.
57. Get to know your resident fellow. Yes.
58. Live on the Row. Well, not really, but I'm going to count it as yes, because when I went to debate camp in high school, I lived in SAE.
59. Ride a cable car. From the Wharf to Union Square!
60. Determine permanently and irrevocably the precise meaning of life. Hell no.
61. Go to Rinc-a-Delt. I don't know what they're talking about, sadly.
62. Study in a café off campus. I suppose Starbucks counts, but I've gone to Coupa Cafe a few times.
63. Volunteer to be a subject in a research study. All the time.
64. Invite a professor to dinner. Yes.
65. Attend a Women's Herstory Week event. I should really be a better person.
66. Vote. Yes.
67. Design a web page. Check it out!
68. Get a parking ticket. In downtown Palo Alto, yes.
69. Be an Orientation Volunteer. Sophomore year.
70. Write a letter to the Daily. I've done it twice. Once to protest a new housing policy and another to take out the hypen in Asian American.
71. Picnic in the Foothills. Sounds romantic.
72. Play the Game. Played and got my ass kicked. Planned one too.
73. Attend a reception at Hoover House. Nobody invites Undergrads :-(
74. Get to know an alum. Yes? My future boss graduated from Stanford Business School.
75. Attend a day game at the Sunken Diamond. I'm ashamed that I haven't.
76. Pose a question to a campus speaker. Maybe?
77. Go to the Dutch Goose on a Wednesday night. This is on the to-do list.
78. Ride the Marguerite. All too often.
79. Play sports with an Olympic athlete. Sadly this does not happen everyday.
80. Take an incomplete. I'm going to say yes, since I've done much worse with a Withdrawal.
81. See a Band halftime show. Ridiculous.
82. Go to Senior Dinner on the Quad. I will soon enough.
83. Eat peanuts at Antonio's Nut House (and throw the shells on the floor). Sounds stupid, but I'll give it a try.
84. Go to a career fair. Free Nalgene's and pens!
85. Play intramural inner-tube water polo. It was cancelled as an IM! Not fair!
86. Take a Spring Break trip with friends. Yup.
87. Lose a drinking game. All too often.
88. Raft on Lake Lag. Nope.
89. Go to Big Game at Cal. I skipped out this year, because, yes, we suck.
90. Play dorm vs. dorm paintball in the Santa Cruz Mountains. I should plan this for our dorm.
91. Donate blood. Freshman year!
92. Go steamtunneling. I did it last summer. If you don't know what steamtunneling is, check this Wiki article out.
93. Hike in Big Basin. Did some photography there.
94. Go on a date. Holla!
95. Take a class just because you hear the professor is great. I guess.
96. Attend a double feature at the Stanford Theater. Nope, just one movie.
97. Dance with the Band. On the band run!
98. Stay up all night talking in your dorm hallway. Oh the memories.
99. See the Stanford Improvisers. Yeah.
100. Attend a protest,demonstration, rally or sit-in. Supporting Stanford Workers!
101.Wear your cap and gown to The Graduate. I can't wait!

So I've done 75/101. 5 more and I "Bleed Cardinal red." I should have no problem knocking off about 10 more of these things before I graduate. All of those thoughts make me cherish the memories I have had at Stanford, and the memories I will have in 2007!

Peace!

1 comment:

Jenny said...

Yeah I read the article on advice for Michelle Wie too. *roll eyes* The writer sounded like the "I'm a cool mom" mother from Mean Girls.

Get that 100 done before the school year ends!